We All Have A Past… | Personal | Virginia Beach

Not sure where to start here.  But after some serious thought, words of wisdom from those I love, & prayer I decided after I woke up this morning I would finally address this email that is going around about me now.

If you are looking for a bashing, angry filled, blasting an email response here…  Please just move on.  Because this is NOT that.  In fact I am choosing to make this uplifting, positive, and encouraging to anyone else out there dealing with bullies and/or cyber bullies of any kind.  Because in this day and age it’s easier to hide behind a false email, fake account, catfish face, then it is to be upfront and honest with how you feel with someone or something.

Now where should I start?  Oh that’s right…  A few weeks ago I was out with my family.  I got an email that came through my iPhone.  And like all emails I try to respond right away.  Because after all you never know what clients you may reach and book with a quick response.  Well I’m sitting in the car with my family…  I open a message and start reading.  At first It sounded like a spam message so I went to close it.  Then I read on…  I see personal information about me,  false information about me.  And as I am reading this (not sure of who sent it due to the ‘BLOCKED’ email) I realize the person who took such time & dedication to this message is hurting more than ever before.  In fact I felt as though this email was someone reaching out for love and help.  Because those who choose to ATTACK & BELITTLE anyone in any way…  Are in fact hurting themselves.  Because after all that is ALL bullying is.  It’s someones own self hurt & anger being pushed on to someone else.  By the end of the letter my heart was breaking for them.  I felt sorry for them,  I felt such pity for this person that felt the need to bring up my past disguised as a ‘business’ email.  That this person went to such great ‘links’ to keep themselves a secret.  But the thing they didn’t know was…  I have friends in high places.  I know for a fact who this person is now.  We are on many social pages together.  We share many friends on Facebook.  And once my dear friend took this email and found the source of who it was…  I then knew I was right.  I knew who the poor soul was.  And truthfully I didn’t put it past this person.  This person is always quick to attack & try to break people down…  Because it is all they have known in their life.

So after finding out who this was…  I really felt no need to reply.  But than I wake up this morning to see that I am receiving emails and Facebook messages from those I know asking about my past.  And learning they too have received the same email about me.  Of course those that truly know me and my history know the truth.  And truthfully I have nothing to explain to anyone about my past.  We all have one!  We all make mistakes, we all sin, we all wish we could take back the awful things we may have done, so what makes me so different then the rest ???  NOT A THING!

NOW FOR A FEW THINGS I HAVE TO GET STRAIGHT & I WILL TRY AND GO IN ORDER OF THE MESSAGE…

Yes, I have clients who search me out & adore the work I hand to them.  I am a photographer and I bust my ass everyday to make my dreams come true.  Because I don’t want to just sit back and pray a good shoot lands in my lap and I become known for that.  I want to know at the end of the day I put all my love and hard work in to every client that comes my way.  After all that is what our clients deserve.  And I’m NOT a perfect photographer…  I’m still learning and growing.  I don’t claim to know everything about photography.  Hell famous photographer still blog about how they are still learning and growing in their photography business.  So how are we any different then them?  Because we are NOT!  We are all the same, we are all learning and growing in our photography worlds.

Yes, I am a Christian.  I accept the fact I am a sinner saved by grace.  I am born again knowing that our Lord and Savior sent his one and only son Jesus Christ to save us all from our sins.  I don’t claim to be perfect…  Because God knows I’m NOT!  I don’t claim to know all.  I don’t claim to be perfect.  IN FACT…  I’m NOT perfect,  I am a sinner,  I sin every day,  I think awful thoughts, I raise my voice to my kids,  I snap at my husband, I reply to stupid things, My thoughts aren’t always perfect, I do things I am ashamed of, and I just know that if my door was open for all of my church family to see…  I wouldn’t be happy with what they know of my daily life.  But you know what ???  That’s okay !!!  That’s just fine !!!  Because like everyone we all make mistakes and sin…  We all know that we are all sinners!  We all have faults.  We all make mistakes.  We all are in need of a savior.  And just like my fellow Brothers and Sisters in Christ…  We all know some thing that is the truth.  We all are sinners & by our Lords Grace we are saved.  So no matter what my past is.  No matter how awful I was.  No matter the choices I have made.  I know I am safe, I am loved, and I am like all others… a sinner.  But I have a Heavenly Father who loves me.  Who accepts me for me.  In all my faults, in all my anger, I am loved & saved.

Now, those who do the math will realize I had my daughter out-of-wedlock.  Not one of my proudest moments in life.  But hell if I say I am sorry!  Because then I am smacking God in his face.  I sinned, I had sex before marriage.  But I have a daughter who is the light of our lives.  God placed her at the right time in my arms.  He used her to open our hearts and show us that we are more than our mistakes.  And I will never apologize for that.

So, yes…  With a child out-of-wedlock, with no ring on my finger, with no health insurance, and with a small time job I knew I couldn’t do this without help.  And I wasn’t one to even think about aborting my child.  So I humbled myself.  I went with a friend and stood in line waiting to file for help from the state.  I accepted that help for a few years of my child’s life.  (Because my life and relationship weren’t in the greatest and safes of places) And YES again this wasn’t my proudest moment.  But I knew I had to make sure my child had the best help she could.  I kept my job, had help from the state, did everything I could to help my daughter have a fighting chance in this world.

But the thing I couldn’t get over the most was…  The part in the letter that says something personal between my husband and I.  At the time we had our ups and downs.  We both made mistakes and did things we wish we could take back.  We listened to people who spilled lies in to our hearts and then allowed those to eat at each other.  Only our close friends and family know the details of all the workings that were going on.  They Knew the hurt, anger, disbelief, and lies that brought us to those moments.  I could explain what it all was.  But there is no need to share that.  We hate what happened.  BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ???  We unlike many chose (when the facts came to light) to make good of all we did.  We worked hard to become one again.  We chose family over hate.  We chose life over lies.  And we chose to make our relationship and child a unit that could never break again.  And we have done that!  We are stronger because of it.  I love my family!  I look back knowing all that was done to us and realize where God had placed us was for the greater good.  He timed things and truths in ways that only God could.  And if I tried to change just one moment of it all…  I wouldn’t be where I am now.  I wouldn’t have the life I have.  I wouldn’t have this AMAZING Husband and Father of my children in my life.  So no matter our past…  I will not apologize for where it got us.  Because in a strange way…  I AM BEYOND THANKFUL FOR IT ALL!  I forgave those that hurt us.  I forgave myself for the hurt I caused.  And I forgave all that was done.  I let go and gave it all to our Lord.  And because of that I am a much happier and loving person.

Then there was this part at the end of the message that made me laugh!  And I mean LAUGH MY BUTT OFF!  The part that showed two signs of who this person was…

#1 –  That I am a pathetic person, that I am 32 years old and still can’t drive.  Which shows me they STALK MY PAGE ENOUGH!

#2 – That they are a better photographer & TRUE photographer then I am.  Showing me clearly it is another photographer…  And that they stalk my photography page as well.

And no matter what they said, wrote, believe…  They don’t know the REAL me.  They can sit in their home behind closed doors and let my life and all I overcame to eat at them all they want.

OR THEY CAN CHOOSE TO GET UP AND BETTER THEMSELVES!  I could say who this person is.  I could say if it was a he or she.  What page we both are on as photographers.  I could say this persons name and out them to the world.  But unlike them…  I don’t want them to be attacked or hurt in any way.  Because I know we both belong to a group that doesn’t stand for bullying like this.  That doesn’t stand for attacking of one another.

***BUT I DO WANT THIS PERSON TO READ THIS…  I WANT THIS PERSON TO LOVE THEMSELVES.  TO FORGIVE THEMSELVES.  TO MOVE PAST ALL THE HATE THEY FEEL.  TO MAKE THEIR DREAMS COME TRUE.  TO FEEL LOVED AND ADORED BY REAL PEOPLE IN THIER LIFE.  I WANT THIS PERSON TO MOVE PAST THE CYBER BULLIYING AND KNOW THAT THEY COULD HAVE THE LIFE THEY DREAM OF AND WANT…  IF THEY WOULD JUST LET GO AND FORGIVE.  LET GO AND LET GOD HAVE CONTROL OF THIER LIFE!  THEN JUST MAYBE THEY CAN HAVE TRUE HAPPINESS IN ALL THEY WANT AND LOVE.***

I could keep going.  I might even get attacked for this.  People may even think less of me now.  But I don’t care.  I’m free from such hate and anger any more.  I feel sorry for those who feel the need to sit behind a computer and attack…  Because they don’t have the strength or love in their own lives to be better…  And to do better.  So all I can do, and choose to do is…  PRAY FOR THEM ALL.  Because at the end of the day.  I am still me.  I am still loved.  I am still a photographer.  I am still a Mom.  I am still a wife.  I am still a friend.  I am still here for those who need me.  And I am still a child of God who is forgiven for all my faults and sins.

I am me.
I am blessed.

(Now For A Few Pictures From My Past…  Of My Hubby & I…)

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14 thoughts on “We All Have A Past… | Personal | Virginia Beach

  1. Tashena… Everything in life happens for a reason… All of it. We all of moments we are not proud of…but without going through all of those things.. You wouldn’t be the amazing woman you are today. There is only one judge… and you know him and have already been forgiven by him. Chin up! You are amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The truth will always set you free. Let those without sin cast the first stone. I only know you from your pictures of my granddaughter, which were brilliant. One thing I do know is you are an up and coming photographer with a very creative eye. You are truly an inspiration to everyone that has struggled in their life and has rose above it. Go get em girl. Don’t let anyone hold you back.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tashena, my family and I just met you this past weekend but I have been seeing your pictures through friends and love your work. When my daughter mentioned she wanted professional pictures done for her graduation I immediately thought of you and contacted you. You made us all feel comfortable and at ease while you were taking the pics and we had a great time. From the few pictures that I have seen so far of my daughter they look great. As for your past, who cares, its what has made you grow and become the person you are today.. We all have one and those that say they have never done anything they are the ones deceiving themselves. All I know is you will have my business from now on (still have one more graduation and two weddings to go) haha. Keep your head up high and remember that the only person you have to prove anything to is yourself..

    Liked by 1 person

    • OH PATTY, THANK YOU !!!!!!!! ❤ You have no idea how thankful I am for your words. Your family was truly wonderful to be with & capture. May God bless you and your family! *hugs* ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

  4. None of us is without sins that is what makes us humans. I know you to be a loving friend, a loving mother, a loving daughter, a loving sister and a loving wife. I am proud of all that you have accomplished. I love you, sweet girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: I Choose Happiness… | Personal | Virginia Beach | Tashena Shaw Photography Blog

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