I have to admit I was not expecting any of the feedback I got from my last ‘We All Have A Past…‘ Blog post. Between all the comments, likes, Facebook messages, emails, and text messages I received I could feel the love and support from every one of you. Hearing from so many that share similar stories to mine was something that left me in shock. I couldn’t believe the messages I received from ladies who felt I was telling their very own story. So yes, I am thankful I listened to my heart and shared a part of my past with you all. Even if it was to just help one soul… I now know it was worth it all.
But there were a few that stuck out to me. The ones asking, “How can you be so positive? How can you forgive?”
Well the truth is… IT ISN’T EASY! In fact it is hard as hell! But I have to remind myself that Jesus has forgiven us for all we have done. So I have to do the same, because that is what he has asked of us.
You see it hasn’t always been easy for me. If you ask anyone I know they would tell you of a girl who was full of such hate and anger. One who would spit whatever she felt or thought out to the world, on her MySpace (when that was popular), on her open diary online, through text messages, and even emails. I allowed what others thought of me to eat away at my soul. I realized I was then allowing that hate to control every part of my life.
There was a time that I even allowed a family to control every thought and emotion that crossed my path in a day. I allowed their emails and twisted way to control how I saw things. How I felt about my relationship with my boyfriend (now husband). They hurt me in so many ways. They used love and trust to gain control over what they wanted and claimed was theirs. They did and said thing that can not even be forgiven. But looking back now at all of those stupid choices. All of those crazy late nights of venting about things and people who NEVER mattered in the first place… I then saw that my life could have been so much richer. So much more full of love. So much more full of amazing friends… If I would have just allowed myself to let go of their control and hate for me.
I want to say that it all finally became clear after my Husband and I got married. I was just sitting up and looking through my online open diary and saw that there really was NO HAPPINESS. There was nothing worth living for. All of my thoughts and ways of life all had to do with this one family. And then it hit me! “Why the hell am I allowing people who have NO CONTROL over my life anymore to control my feelings and life still ???”
The answer was easy… I wasn’t allowing God to control my life. I was taking everything I knew and had in to my own hands. Not realizing that after all… ‘My Life’ wasn’t really mine any way. After all Our Lord has the final say. And if I would have allowed God from the beginning to take the wheel… Well I would have been looking back at an open diary that could have shown so much love, grace, family, friends, and those that really matter to me.
I wouldn’t have allowed hate in my heart to destroy friendships & family relationships I loved so dearly. So at that moment I prayed! I asked God to take hold of my heart and life. I asked him to make sure that anything I thought, felt, said in to the world to have his final say. To help show me the Roses on the table, rather the dirt on the floor.
It wasn’t easy from that moment on. Anyone can pray and ask for help. But I knew I had to LET all control go. I would catch myself saying, thinking, posting things I knew I shouldn’t. And when I would… I ran and asked for forgiveness from that person and moment.
I also knew that in order to choose ‘true’ happiness… I had to forgive that family. I had to forgive my enemies. I had to forgive all that was done. And I had to forgive all that was to come. But I also had to FORGIVE MYSELF!
YOU CAN’T IMAGINE THE RELEASE AND PURE JOY YOUR HEART IS FILLED WITH WHEN YOU FINALLY CHOOSE HAPPINESS OVER HATE !!! WHEN YOU ALLOW FORGIVENESS AND FAITH IN OUR LORD TO TAKE ALL CONTROL IN YOUR LIFE.
Now when I find myself starting to feel a burn, fear, hate, and anger I go straight to our Lord. I ask him to take hold of my heart and thoughts. I ask him to show me forgiveness. I ask him to help me show forgiveness to others.
There are days that are so much harder than others. There are times anger can get the better of me. In all parts of my life. But then I am reminded of Our Lord. And his forgiveness… And from that moment… I choose ‘Happiness’ over anything else.
ANY ONE CAN CHOOSE HAPPINESS OVER ANGER… BUT IT’S THAT FORGIVENESS THAT IS KEY!
So that’s why I can be so positive. That’s why I can forgive.
Because I choose to now see the Roses on the table, rather the dirt on the floor.
I Choose Happiness… I choose faith… I choose forgiveness… I choose Our Lord and savior Jesus Christ over everything else.
(Here are just a few old images of why I choose happiness. THIS IS MY GREATEST HAPPINESS AFTER ALL! My family.)
***Which reminds me… It’s time for another family photo-shoot !!!*** ❤