So yesterday morning I just felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. I didn’t know what it was or where it was coming from. I wasn’t having a bad day. Life was good. I was just sad. And from that moment I started to pick at every part of my life. My home, me, my body, my work, my job, who I am, a bad wife, a terrible Mom, and so on down the line. It all came flooding in, and I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t know why I was doing it. I didn’t even understand it. I tried to shut it off. I tried to be thankful. But that sadness started to turn to hate.
I know we all have our moments… We as women especially do a great job of attacking ourselves for no reason. We look at our lives and compare every thing to everyone else.
But then as I walked to my back door… I looked at our tall overgrown tree in our neighbors yard. I saw how tall she was. How she was broken. She had leaves missing from branches. She even had a few leaves turning colors before her time. There were marks climbing up the side of her like stretch marks. She wasn’t standing tall anymore, but leaning to the side… Her home around her wasn’t beautiful. She always has animals and birds on her. She always has puddles of water by her side. And she doesn’t look perfect in any way, any more.
As I was looking at this tree from my backdoor… My son came up beside me. He asked me to pick him up… So like a Mommy I did. We stood there for a few minutes looking outside.
Then I hear my son’s voice all excited say, “Ma! Look at my tree. She pretty Mama like you.”
I don’t know what it was… But my heart-felt joy. There was something in that moment that made all my sadness go away.
Maybe it was seeing what my son saw? Maybe it was hearing my son say the thing I was thinking as I was looking at her (the tree) too? Maybe it was because my son (a 3-year-old) saw beauty in something so broken and barely holding on. But whatever it was… I know in my heart God was telling me to ‘Let Go & Smile’…
We Women beat ourselves up so much. If we didn’t meet a goal, the kids are falling apart, dinner wasn’t on the table, the house is dirty, laundry is still in the dryer, dishes piled in the sink, we let the kids play on the iPad to just get a moment of quiet, we let the kids have too much sugar, we didn’t do this, and we didn’t do that, and so on… and so on.
But who cares ??? Why do we have to pick at ourselves and compare our life to everyone ???
Why not take a moment and smile, see that life is good, see our children are safe, see our loved ones are loved, see that at least there was food to be placed on those dishes, and that we are there with those we love to see everything go crazy.
No matter what it is. Or why it is the way it is at the time. Just smile and be thankful. Because at least we have all that trouble. At least we aren’t in other worlds and countries where the troubles of ours are the least of their troubles. Trouble others would be grateful for, and welcome. At least we are safe and we are loved.
So when I look at my broken tree in the backyard now, that is hanging on for dear life. When I see she still is so beautiful and has so much to offer. I find myself thankful for that. I find myself thankful that our Lord has given me such hard times, dirty dishes, children full of sugar, stretch marks on my body, sleepless nights, laundry to fold, and so many things I think are more troubles in my life.
Because at least they are troubles worth being thankful for! ❤